50 Twelve Inches #33

Cherub Rock – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records)

It’s the day before Valentines Day when I’m typing this, and the boys and girls in my daughter class have all been feeling very silly for the past couple of weeks.  You see such and such has a crush on such and such, and apparently he tried to rizz her up outside the village shop but her dad was there so he couldn’t.   We will see tomorrow how many Valentines Card fall through the door for my daughter.  I expect the postman will have to bring the bigger van though.

I sent my first Valentine card when I was 12 to a red headed girl called Louisa.  I didn’t sign it but left it sticking out of her coat pocket one lunch time, designed in a way that she would definitely find it.  Two weeks later at a lad called Matthew’s birthday party she snogged a lad called Clive, utterly convinced that he sent her the Valentines Card (I know this because she told her best friend Emma all about it). 

The second Valentine Card I ever sent was to a girl called Michelle who lived around the corner from my nan.  I used to smile soppily at her whenever I saw her, she didn’t go to my school and I thought she was cool because her mum made her wear a beret everywhere she went.  I posted the card through her door the night before Valentine’s day, creeping up to the door, ninja style and then creeping back out again, pertrified that she might see me.  I left a bunch of daffodils on the doorstep with a note and with a shoddy heart drawn on it.  It looked like a five year old had done it.  I think I must have drawn it left handed even though Michelle didn’t know my name or anything about me apart from she could see my grans raspberry plants from her garden and would have occasionally heard me and my brother playing football in the garden.  Especially when I pretending to be Tony Cascarino,  the worlds greatest footballer.

I made the fatal mistake though, of looking back and saw her dad frowning at me from the kitchen window, his arms covered to the elbow in marigolds as he did the washing up.  I have no idea if she ever got that card, or her dad even recognised me but I saw Michelle two weeks later and blushed furiously as my dad told me with a nudge that she smiled at me.   I always walked a different way to my nans from then onwards.  I was 13, give me a break.

Anyway a few days ago,  the finger of fate was order to stop upon the spine of the first single to be released from the second Smashing Pumpkins album.  ‘Cherub Rock’ was deemed in many people’s eyes as being an odd choice for a lead off single – given that ‘Today’ had already received airplay and was widely expected to be the first release, but Billy Corgan, being Billy Corgan, insisted on it and the record company, eager to satisfy his massive ego, agreed with him. 

It did ok.  It scraped the Top 30 in the UK, but has always rather sat in the shadow of ‘Today’.  Strangely, ‘Cherub Rock’ is the only twelve inch I own by Smashing Pumpkins, because I could have sworn that I had ‘Disarm’ on a limited edition 12 inch – but looks like its vanished in the midst of time.

The twelve inch of ‘Cherub Rock’ came with two new tracks.  The first was a screeching sort of affair called ‘Pissant’ which surfaced a few years later on one of the Pumpkins B Side compilations.   It’s quite heavy, quite grungey, but still like nearly everything released by Billy and his band until about 1997, pretty decent.

Pissant – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records)

The second B Side was a track called ‘French Movie Theme’ which is supposed to be on ‘Pisces Iscariot’ according to the Internet, but its not on my version. 

French Movie Theme – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records)

Its not your average Pumpkins track, less than two minutes long, a semi acoustic guitar strumming away alongside a voice saying “Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah”. You aren’t missing much if you ignore it.

Here is the no more than five word review

“Too loud, too shouty” – which I kind of expected.  Then again, in the car today she told me that Quickspace were ‘pretty good’ (or rather the track below was).

Quickspace Happy Song #2 – Quickspace (1997, Kitty Kitty Corporation)

Anyway, here is her weekly recommendation, which I’m pretty sure she shouldn’t be listening to, and not just because its awful.

Hiss – Megan Thee Stallion (2024, Hot Girl Records)

Nearly Perfect Albums – #75

Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream (1993, Virgin Records)

One of the first things I ever wrote about music, in a semi professional way (I say semi professional, I didn’t get paid a penny for it but wrote it because of my love of music, and the occasional freebie –  you wouldn’t catch me doing that 30 years later…) was a review of this album for a record shop sponsored fanzine.  I wish I still had it but I don’t.  I’m fairly sure it was terrible.  I know that I raved about ‘Siamese Dream’ and told people to buy this record instead of ‘In Utero’ by Nirvana (which was the other big ‘grunge’ record of the time) because ‘Siamese Dream’ was better in so many ways (for the record, it isn’t better than ‘In Utero’ it’s on a par with it – both are Nearly Perfect and both deserve your attention).  I also remember saying that ‘Today’ was not only one of the greatest songs of all time but it also contained one of the greatest guitar riffs of all time.  I was right about that bit at least.

Today – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records)

It is their best song by some distance, nothing really comes close does it?  I mean ‘1979’ from ‘Mellon Collie…’ is excellent and all that but there is such a feeling of tenderness to ‘Today’ when Billy Corgan sings “Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known” that makes it so timeless in a way that no other Smashing Pumpkins song does.

The other thing I remember saying in that review, largely because the NME or the Melody Maker had also said it was the album that would turn the Smashing Pumpkins into stadium rock superstars.  Which of course it did, largely because of ‘Today’ but also because of the quality of the other singles on the album.

Like ‘Cherub Rock’ which opens the album with something akin to a rallying call to arms.  If ‘Today’ was the centrepiece of this album, then ‘Cherub Rock’ is the supporting wingman with its chugging riffs and its soaring chorus.  The scene and the mood was very much set.  Corgan wanted world domination.

Cherub Rock – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records)

‘Disarm’ was also a brilliant single, despite it being a slight deflection from the norm.  It was recorded with a bunch of strings that barely managed to disguise the ferocity of the lyrics.  Lyrics which saw the track banned from radio stations due to what were considered questionable at the time (there were lyrics like “Cut that little child” and of course “the killer in me is the killer in you” – which were allegedly about child abuse and back then we didn’t talk about that kind of thing).  The ban didn’t stop it hurtling into the Top Twenty in the UK.

Disarm – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records)

There are further highlights as well – ‘Mayonnaise’ is a marvellously noisy affair all whistling guitars and Corgan’s full on screeching, which is one of his greatest vocal performances.  In contrast the guitar playing on ‘Hummer’ is exceptional and ‘Spaceboy’ written about (I think) Corgan’s autistic brother, is a beautiful track.

Mayonnaise – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records)

Spaceboy – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records)

My review of this record back in 1993 may have been raw and a bit rubbish but my opinion of this record hasn’t changed one bit.  It is a tremendous piece of work and deserves its place in any collection, some of it is slightly overlong (the seven minute loud then quiet ‘Soma’ jars a bit) and it is a little bit over bearing in places, but as a record from that ‘grunge’ era, it is very close to the top of the tree. 

A Month of Beasts, Bugs, and Birds – #20 – The Snail

Pristine – Snail Mail (2018, Matador Records, Taken from ‘Lush’)

If I must.

Snail Mail is the solo project of a lady called Lindsey Jordan who released her debut EP at the age of 16 and her debut album two years later.  That record, ‘Lush’ is insanely brilliant and comes totally recommended to you all if you haven’t already heard it.  It is full of lofi guitar sounds and songs that are all carefully textured that move between sadness, complexity, and happiness.  It reminds me a lot of the work of Liz Phair – but when you consider that Lindsey Jordan was still a teenager when she wrote this record, it is even more staggering.

Here is another track from ‘Lush’

Heat Wave – Snail Mail (2018, Matador Records, Taken from ‘Lush’)

A couple of years ago, Jordan released the follow up to ‘Lush’, the equally brilliant ‘Valentine’ and seeing as it is Friday and the last day of this series, you can have a track from that as well.  Seriously both records are tremendous.

Headlock – Snail Mail (2021, Matador Records, Taken from ‘Valentine’)

Ok, that’s enough talk about music.  As is the last day of the series I’m going to tell you a joke now.

There’s this snail right, and it is slithering merrily along the path minding his own business.  He suddenly becomes very thirsty (I have no idea if snails get thirsty or not, it’s a joke, go with me here – I don’t this type of thing very often) and decides to knock on the door of the nearby house to see if he can get a thimble full of water (which would still be a lot of water for a snail to drink). Anyway, he heaves himself up on to the steep and knocks on the door (again, go with me here, snails have no concept of knocking on doors, and even if they could, I very much doubt that a human could hear them).  After a short while, a man answers the door (see above), looks around doesn’t see anyone and goes to shut the door. 

“Down here” says the snail.

The man looks down and is surprised (yup, you would be, it is a talking snail).  “What do you want, snail?” says the man (personally I would have said, “sweet jesus a talking snail” but I’m only telling the joke, not starring in it).

“Can I have a drink of water please, I’m parched” says the snail.

For some reason the man is outraged by this question, not stunned by the talking snail which if marketed correctly could have made him millions.  He is so stunned that he picks the snail up and lobs him as hard as he could towards the end of the garden shouting

“Filthy, disgusting gastropod, bugger off”.

Let’s pause for a tune shall we.

Snail – Smashing Pumpkins (1991, Hut Records, Taken from ‘Gish’)

Right back to the joke. 

The snail is luckily not hurt (in reality he almost certainly would have died an horrific death),and finds himself at the bottom of the garden near some rose bushes.  He slithers off slightly shaken by his ordeal and upset by the human man’s actions.  Time passes in a sort of fast forward blur, people come and go, the grass gets long and then short again.  A while later there is a knocking sound on the door of the house and an old frail man with a long beard and a walking frame opens the door, his hand shaking as he twists the knob of the door.  He looks out and sees no one there.

“Down here” a voice says.  It is the snail.

“What did you do that for?” said the snail, (who in the unlikely event that he didn’t die from being lobbed by an angry human, would now be impossibly old for a snail – but like I said, it’s a joke).

I’m literally here all week.

Here is the last creature related tune. One that covers a large section of all the creatures.

Faded Glamour – Animals That Swim (1996, Elemental Records, Taken from ‘I Was The King, I Really Was The King’)

Next month’s series will start on Tuesday and it will feature a wealth of guest contributors over the month of August as a bunch of middle aged men who really should know better tell us about their favourite females in rock. 

Welcome to May – Alternative Versions – #1

May As Well – Angel Olsen (2014, Jagjaguar Records, Taken from ‘Burn Your Fire for No Witness’)

As May rolls sunnily into view, we usher in this month’s theme, a theme that came to me one evening as I watched an excellent documentary on Simon and Garfunkel on the usually rubbish Sky Arts Channel.  In that documentary Simon and Garfunkel were shown in their studio where they were recording their classic ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ album.  It showed them larking about and generally doing a lot of things other than making music (Here’s Art Garfunkel eating some pasta, here is Paul Simon talking about baseball with some gonk with a beard and here are the pair of them playing cards together, that sort of thing).

Then around half an hour it cuts to them actually making some music, a voice comes on the telly and tells us that what we are going to hear is the original demo for ‘Bridge over Troubled Water in which Garfunkel records his vocals in a different part of the studio whilst Simon strums away and records his vocals in the main bit – or something anyway, you can hear Garfunkel but you can’t see him, if that makes sense.

It was an excellent version, one I hadn’t heard and one that no matter how hard I try and how hard I look that I cannot find it anywhere, but it did give me an idea for this series.  A series which I am calling ‘Alternative Versions’.  A series which will look at demo versions of songs, Peel Sessions – or other recorded sessions of songs, remixes, acoustic versions, live versions, versions recorded with an orchestra backing them, studio outtakes, rehearsal versions, instrumentals and anything that falls in between all that lot.  

This kind of thing really: –

Eat Y’Self Fitter (Peel Session #6)– The Fall (1983, Rough Trade Records, Taken from ‘Peverted by Language’)

Prague (demo) – Mega City Four (1992, Big Life Records, Taken from ‘Sebastopol Road’)

Disarm (acoustic) – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records, Taken from ‘Siamese Dream’)

Breathe (Glitch Mob Mix) – The Prodigy (1996, XL Records, Taken from ‘The Fat of the Land’)

But of course, I’ll post the original version as well so we can have some light hearted banter about which version is better. 

Let’s just pop back over to Simon and Garfunkel because whilst I couldn’t find the studio demo of ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ I did stumble across this rather fine live version of the song, which is essentially just Paul Simon on piano and Art Garfunkel’s voice and I think it’s one of the first times they ever played it live.

Bridge Over Troubled Water (Live in 1969) – Simon and Garfunkel (2008, Sony Music, Taken from ‘Simon and Garfunkel Live in 1969’)

Tomorrow – Fontaines D.C

Retrospective Musical Naval Gazing – #3 (1993)

In 1993 I was at college and my end of year lists were written on the reverse of some old Sociology notes all about Robert Merton and his theories of Anomie.  It was a great year for music but what stands out is not what is on that list but what isn’t.  The Boo Radleys don’t feature, Bjork doesn’t feature, Suede don’t feature, The Breeders don’t even feature and if (and possibly when) and my list is rewritten, this is the one year that would almost certainly be entirely changed.  1993 is undoubtedly influenced by my girlfriend at the time.

Pushing all those missed opportunities to one side, this, topped my Top Ten.

Today – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records, Taken from ‘Siamese Dream’) – which was for about three months everywhere.  It was the track that all the cool people in all the cool pubs were dancing to.  It has one of those guitar riffs that is instantly recognisable (if you forget that another band Stiltskin ripped it off chord for chord about two months after it was released and went straight in at number one) and is one of the few tracks from grunge explosion of 1992 and 1993 that has stood the test of time.  Talking of which let’s look at the track at Number Two.

Sodajerk – Buffalo Tom (1993, Beggars Banquet Records, Taken from ‘Big Red Letter Day’)

In 1993, Buffalo Tom were something of a well kept secret, despite the fact that they had played on the main stage of the Reading Festival and had in the previous two years released a series of essential singles that should have turned them into one of the biggest bands in the world but for some reason unbeknownst to the entire human world, they did not.

1993 was the year that I turned eighteen.  I remember having a small party on the edge of some woods.  We had a few bottles of cider, a tinny stereo and some home made cake.  My girlfriend made me a tape for that party and that tape dominated the party due to it being more relevant and exciting than anything on offer that evening.  That tape which rose to legendary status in our friendship group, provided the tracks at numbers three, six and nine on my end of year Top Ten.

At Number Three was this: –

Thundersley Invacar – Collapsed Lung (1993, Deceptive Records, Single) – A Thundersley Invacar was a small (usually) blue car designed especially for those with disabilities, my wife’s grandad had one.  Collapsed Lung were a kind of half rap half grebo act who a few years later would become household names when they had a hit with ‘Eat My Goal’.  ‘Thundersley Invacar’ was one of their first singles but it definitely wasn’t the third best record released in 1993.  It might scrap into the Top Thirty if I were to rewrite this list.

Something else that probably wouldn’t make the Top Fifty if I rewrote this list would be this track sitting at Number six: –

Eject – Senser (1993, Ultimate Records, Taken from ‘Stacked Up’)

I remember absolutely raving about the debut album by Asian Dub Foundation when it came out in 1998 and sending tracks from it to a mate of mine who sent me a letter (remember letters, they were great) telling me that “Asian Dub Foundation are shameless Senser rip off merchants”).  They weren’t they were much better.  Number six, what the hell was I thinking?

The only track from the list from 1993 that might be in the right place on the original list was the track at Number Nine

Stutter – Elastica (1993, Deceptive Records, Taken from ‘Elastica’)

100 Songs with One Word Titles (90 – 86)

Some of the members of the musical jury put notes next to some of the songs, to try and explain why they had chosen certain songs and not others as shown in two of the five songs on display today, which are all songs that when I ordered them originally were all roughly in the places that jury voted them in.  Apart from the first one, which was a bit higher.

90. Toxygene (7” Mix) – The Orb (1997, Island Records, Taken from ‘Orblivion’)

‘Toxygene’ was never supposed to have been released as a single.  It started out life as a remix of a Jean Michael Jarre track.  The Orb not sticking to the script, ‘Orbliterated’ it, and removed almost all trace of the original from it, causing Jarre to have a hissy fit and subsequently refusing to release it.  So The Orb took it back, changed it again and it went into the Top Five in the UK. 

89. Dare – Gorillaz featuring Shaun Ryder (2005, Parlophone Records, Taken from ‘Demon Days’)

The legend of course goes that Ryder was too drunk to say the word ‘There’ whilst recording this and “Dare” was as close as he could get and even then it was to do with a noise he kept hearing in his headphones rather than the actual lyrics that he should have been singing.  Regardless of whether this is true or not (Ryder says it is), ‘Dare’ is tremendous and Ryder’s half-drunk Mancunian drawl is addictively perfect.

88. Today – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Virgin Records, Taken from ‘Siamese Dreams’)

I’ll hand you over to musical jury member number 7 here, who told me “Oh, god I feel so dirty giving ‘Today’ so many points.  Billy Corgan is a dick and the majority of his songs are over bearing smugathons but ‘Today’ is just so damn good, that riff, the chorus, everything.  Damn you Billy Corgan”.

I can’t really argue with astute reasoning like that.  Damn you indeed Billy Corgan.

87.Krupa – Apollo 440 (1996, Virgin Records, Taken from ‘Electro Glide in Blue’)

An absolute monster of a record.  One that essentially contains a sample from the film ‘Taxi Driver’ and another one from ‘The Ballroom Blitz’ by Sweet.  Apollo 440 then added some beats and some other drumming noise and mashed the lot together to give it a club feel and sat back and waited for the money to roll in.  A few years it was used to advertise two awful things, Sunburst – a disgusting fruity drink and Budwesier Beer, another disgusting fruity drink.

86. Intervention – Arcade Fire (2007, Rough Trade Records, Taken from ‘Neon Bible’)

I once compiled a list of my favourite songs of all time and this featured very highly indeed.  In the Top 20 I think.  So I really like it….but musical jury member number 4 did not agree….”Thank God there is more than 30 songs to vote for, I couldn’t bring myself to give ‘Intervention’ one point.  It would be very begrudgingly.  It’s awful, atrocious.” 

You can really go off people you know.

……ing Bands #2

1979 – Smashing Pumpkins (1995, Virgin Records)

I nearly interviewed Billy Corgan once, but he was in a grump and decided he wanted to play video games instead.  It was in 1996, when the band were on a three night residency at Wembley Arena as part of the world tour to promote ‘Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness’ Album.  I’d managed to convince the bands record label to give me twenty minutes with him.  I didn’t really know what I was going to say to him but I at least thought it would be fun to ask him his favourite flavour of ice cream following the ‘Today’ video.

Today – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records)

Anyway, I arrived at the backdoor of Wembley Arena, nice and early, a good two hours before the band were due on stage.  My plan was easy, interview Billy, get him to sign my copy of ‘Siamese Dream’ and retreat to the pub opposite the tube where I’d left my mate Chris.  I’ll be an hour, tops I told him.

There are about a hundred people waiting in the backstage area outside the venue.  Some of them are would-be journalists like me, you can tell by the fact that their notebook is not folded in half and they have more than one pen (I have three pens, one black, one blue, one green and I bought my notebook in the Waterloo branch of WHSmiths about an hour ago).  One guy claims to be the Reviews Editor for Kerrang!, another claims to be from The Times.  Everyone else is a Japanese female and nearly all of them are carrying gifts.  The Japanese girls keep trying to get backstage, which is why the security isn’t letting anyone else in.  I do try telling the security guard that I am not hiding a small Japanese lady under my jacket.  Its no good.

It takes for ever.  I write a page of questions and wait further instructions.  Eventually we get let in.  I am plonked in a room with three others, and they tell us that one of the band will be with us in a minute.  Its not Billy Corgan, its not D’arcy, its not even James Iha but it’s a guy called Matt Walker, who is the stand in drummer.  I mean Matt no offence, but literally no one wanted to talk to him.  

I opened my book, and waited as my colleagues asked Matt intricate questions about the band, their sound and a host of other questions that meant nothing.  Questions which Matt, clearly bored, knackered or both answered as best he could.  When it was my turn, I said that most of the good questions had been asked.  I checked my book, cleared my throat and asked “What’s your favourite flavour of ice cream?”.  He looked at me, “Great Question” he said smiling “Definitely strawberry”. 

I closed my book and left with a grin.

Hummer – Smashing Pumpkins (1993, Hut Records)