Like A Daydream – Ride (1990, Creation Records, Taken from ‘Play EP’)
It is of course, Christmas Eve today. It is not Christmas Eve when I am writing this – but as I am here and I’ve gone there, here is a story from a few years ago when my daughter aged nine, wavered about whether or not Santa was real or not. I will say that this was the first Christmas after lockdown had been lifted so I’m prepared to give them some slack.
We had gone to what the organisers had called ‘A Winters Wonderland’, this was in reality a patch of woodland where a couple of massive tents had been erected in a clearing. You traipsed up a path, which was gaily lit by fairy lights and piped Christmas music to be met by grown adults dressed as elves, who frankly should know better. It was about there, where my daughter, started to get a bit sceptical. The fake snow wasn’t helping but what really started the scepticism was the fact that the ears of the Chief Elf (‘Woodrow’ ably assisted by ‘Hedgerow’ and ‘Keith’) were crooked and you could see her real ears underneath it.
But she kept quiet.
We sat down and ate some cold mince pies and drank some lukewarm hot chocolate before Woodrow called us over to the smaller tent where a badly painted sign said that “A Magical Adventure Waited”. There we joined a queue of above ten other bored looking children who had either eaten too much sugar and wanted to fight their siblings or hadn’t been allowed any sugar and wanted to fight their parents.
Slowly we entered the tent and there Santa told us a story about being kind to each other and helping out some old folks. All sensible and heartwarming stuff. It almost made up for Woodrow’s wonky ears. Almost, because my daughter is whispering something to me and her mum.
“Santa’s voice is all wrong. He doesn’t sound old. He doesn’t sound friendly. He doesn’t sound fat and jolly”.
Now, I’ll skirt over the last bit of that – but she had a point. He didn’t sound any of those things, he sounded, well young, bored and most bizarrely, posh. There wasn’t a ho ho ho in sight.
It’s our turn to go and see Santa now. My daughter strides forward. She’s on a mission. Her mother and I look a bit alarmed as she barges Hedgerow out of the way and then just sits and stares at this Santa abomination. He does the spiel. He asks her if she has been good and whether she is kind (the answer is yes to both of those, unless you are clearly pretending to be Santa) and she just nods. There are tears in her eyes and I feel awful. She glumly takes a present out of the bag, she doesn’t want it (it’s a crappy marble run thing that breaks about ten minutes after you construct it – which takes like four days to do) and marches out of the tent. No thank you, no photographs, nothing. I nod a thanks at Santa and then my wife tugs my arm and whispers “Beard” at me. Santa is wearing an obvious fake beard and you can see his black real beard underneath it. He is also about 35 years of age. Its awful and I shake my head at the thought of about a hundred children’s dreams being shot to pieces by this utter charlatan.
Now, we’ve seen a lot of Santas, some good, some not so good, but this one, if you want a musical equivalent is liking buying tickets to see The Fall and finding Ed Sheeran fronting them in a pair of designer chinos. That bad.
I turn around and find my wife talking to my daughter and there is a smile on my daughters face. The tears have stopped. We walk back to the car, she skips down the gaily lit path. I ask my wife what she said.
“I told her that the real Santa has Covid and couldn’t come to the Winter Wonderland. He sent a replacement but made the fake santa make three deliberate mistakes so that the children would know he wasn’t the real deal.”
We go and see a better, older, fatter, jollier, proper bearded Santa a few days later and all is well again in the world.
The Play EP was the second of Ride’s all conquering early EP’s. It’s the one with the daffodils on it, should you need a reference. Here are the other three tracks on it.
Silver – Ride (1990, Creation Records)
Furthest Sense – Ride (1990, Creation Records)
Perfect Time – Ride (1990, Creation Records)
All of which are rather fine.
Here, rather fittingly is the no more than five word review “Not very Christmassy, daddy” – but i think that might have been influenced by me telling her that this will be published on Christmas Eve.
Here is the recommendation, oh god, apparently its ‘Christmassy”.
Heaven – Niall Horan (2023, Haze Records, Taken from ‘The Show’)
Merry Christmas y’all.
Back on Tuesday or rather our special guest editors will be.