I’ve got Five On it – Luniz (1995, Noo Trybe Records, Taken from ‘Operation Stackola’)
In 1996, my wife (or plain girlfriend as she was then) shared a house in Guildford with three guys. Two of them were nice chaps, one was a posh lad who was an idiot. The signs were there before they moved in to be honest. I mean if there are three words to scare you away from sharing a house with someone they are probably “Mechanical Engineering Student”, but anyway let’s crack on.
We will call posho Eddie, and he seemed quite nice when he moved in, fairly sociable, but again the signs were there. He liked Guns n Roses for a start, never a good sign. You would come home from a punishing hour of lectures to find ‘Paradise City’ blaring down the stairs. Secondly, he decided to grow cannabis in the airing cupboard. Although, he did this badly, they were pathetic little plants that were barely watered and didn’t get anywhere near enough light. Apparently, you need that when growing cannabis. Thirdly he had at least three Red Dwarf Tshirts that he thought was cool.
But the real thing about Eddie that put people off him was that he got caught wanking in the kitchen on a Sunday morning by one of the other residents of the house and never ever lived it down.
Anyone, one morning one of the guys went to make some tea, strode into the kitchen and found Eddie there with his trousers around his ankles, with literally ‘five on it’. It was to quote the house mate “Awkward”. There was a silence, and an embarrassed Eddie then shuffled off to his room and no one saw him for the rest of the day. For the next month at least the only song that could be heard erm, coming from the shared house lounge stereo was ‘I’ve got Five on it’ by Luniz.
The reasons for the kitchen hand shandy were revealed about a week later, when it transpired from the kitchen window you could with a strain of the neck look directly into the window of one of the houses opposite, where a particularly attractive Chinese girl lived. She apparently, hadn’t quite mastered the art of closing the curtains.
Eddie is now a train driver apparently, where he gets to pull levers all day long. Today’s post by the way was brought to you by Viz Comic and the spirit of Sidney James.
Some other tracks with five in the title. The first of which is ‘Saturn 5’ by The Inspiral Carpets, a song which my friend John loved and used to dance like an absolute monster in all the pubs and clubs that played it. On his birthday I stood with him outside Richards Records in Maidstone and I gave him the choice of ‘Saturn 5’ on 12 inch for his birthday or the chance to get drunk in the pub across the road – where we knew the barmaid – and where because of that, we got six pints for the price of two on a regular basis. The pub won.
The second one is a jaunty little jazz piano affair courtesy of the reformed Pavement, whose live shows I shall not be attending because I don’t have a spare £200 for a ticket.
Saturn 5 – Inspiral Carpets (1994, Mute Records, Taken from ‘Devil Hopping’)
5 – 4 = Unity – Pavement (1994, Matador Records, Taken from ‘Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain’)
Next time – the number 6.