Desert Island Dick 3

Before I start, today happens to be the 500th No Badger Required Post. Here is a bonus 500 related track. Ok, back slapping over, let’s get back to the parish magazine.

This was the final article that was published in the March edition of the Parish Magazine.  I went for the tongue firmly in cheek approach. 

So there I was on a desert island the other day, well I say island, it’s more of an Atoll than an island.  It’s a bit like the ones that a cartoonist would use when drawing an island.  It is about ten metres in diameter and there is nothing but sand on it, apart from a palm tree stuck in the middle of it, which means that at least my skin will be stay fresh. 

I have no obvious way of contacting the rest of the world.  I have no bottles to stick messages in and even if I did, I don’t have any paper to write messages on, so I decide to carve the words ‘HELP’ out in the sand and then fall asleep under the cover of the palm tree.

Being a proactive sort of chap, I decide to write the word ‘HELP’ in English and French, just in case a passing helicopter or sea plane is being piloted by a non English speaker, and I am half way through this when my hand scraps on something hard and solid.

Weirdly it turns out to be a box, which someone has foolishly left unlocked so that any old person can simply unlock and remove whatever is inside.  I drag the box out of its sandy grave and with some caution in case it is a booby trapped treasure chest left by a one legged man with a parrot on his shoulder, I throw the box open.

It isn’t full of treasure.  It contains five things, three pieces of music, a book and a very special thing.  This makes me laugh because I was literally listening to a repeat of Radio 4’s ‘Desert Island Discs’ when the Russians blew up my plane. 

The three pieces of music are by sheer unbridled luck, three pieces of music that I would take to a desert island with me, should I ever wish to have a very secluded beach holiday. They are as follows:

Green Calx by Aphex Twin (Warp Records)

Which if you haven’t heard it before (and I guessing many of you probably haven’t) is full of burbling basslines, synthy interjections, spring noises, clanks, whirrs and electronic trickery and despite it being only six minutes in length you could listen to it a thousand times and it will never ever sound the same.  Which is lucky as I am going to be here for a while.

The second piece of music is

All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem (DFA Records)

Again, for those in the dark, this is a song full of nostalgia and it will remind of my time back at home with my family and friends, it has lyrics about the sun coming up, about bad movies and about making stupid decisions and it has the greatest final 30 seconds of any song ever recorded (Face facts ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’).

The last piece of music is

Come Together (Farley Mix) – Primal Scream (Creation Records)

Which would please me greatly because it tells me that whoever left these pieces of music in this box agreed with me that this is the definitive version of this record.  Its nine minutes of sheer brilliance.

The book has a note attached to it.  It reads “There was a copy of ‘The Complete Works of Shakespeare’ as well but ‘The Winter’s Tale’, bored me to tears, so I burnt the whole lot one cold evening”.  Underneath the note was a well-thumbed copy of ‘Watership Down’ by Richard Adams, again, this is lucky because it’s the greatest novel ever written (face facts John Grisham). 

Which leaves us with just the very special thing because there under the music and the book is what every castaway needs when stuck on a ten metre wide island.  Three thousand pieces of various types of lego.  I have wheels, windows, roof bits, and three green base plates, so if you excuse me, I have some building to do.

On Monday – The Musical Jury is back as a new No Badger Required Countdown judders, jitteringly and jelly like into view.  Bands will jostle and joust their way into view as they all jump up and down joyously as they wait to see who will be crowned Rocks Greatest J.

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